Such a devastating day..I feel entirely empty and unsatisfied with the completion. Reinis is my friend, but I am powerless over solving his existential troubles. I can't be there all the time as I am more devoted to my private life which is selfish but true.

Possibly, my prior employer was right when said, that there is a huge difference between the kindness which is radiated with your mind and sense of responsibility and the one you express with your heart and sincerity.
My way of aiding comes through sense of duty, belief in improving karma, will to become better and look worthy in my parents' eyes. Regular and egocentric aspiration/pursuit for acceptance. Mostly people are right when claim I show off. I do. It does not matter whether I do it consciously or not. The principle is the same. I am not Saint Mary of Mother Teresa - instead, just a human being who expects too much from herself and the others.
I am terrible.
And what is more, I afford myself to sulk too much.